It has been a very trying couple of days here at the Neibert/Rener house. Either the heat is getting to me or I haven't learned full maturity yet. Since I like the heat so much we'll have to go with the latter.
I flew off the handle last night. I acted like I was probably about 5 or 6 years old. I won't get into details about this... I just wanted to get it off my chest. Also, I have gone against the very thing in my life that I said I would always do....make kids feel better about themselves. I got caught up in my own anger and fear and made a young person feel not very nice by not speaking to them and closing them out....essentially making that person feel like less of a human.
I realize (and this is where the growing up comes in) that it takes way too much effort to be angry and afraid. And no matter how angry and afraid you are things will happen that are going to happen. Just because I am angry or afraid isn't going to change the outcome of what is to be.
I am a very fortunate person. I have an absolutely wonderful husband (that I am praying real hard right now will forgive me), five great kids, and a family in Michigan that means the world to me and that I love very much (also, I have two very awesome friends here in Florida that I can't believe I have found!). WHY, for the love of all that is good and evil in this world, can't I get it through my damn thick skull that this is ALL that makes life good?
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5 comments:
you might as well just tell us what you said/did. there are only three of us who read this anyway and you'll probably tell us all the scoop, so just get it out and do it here. :)
kids are forgiving. just buy him/her a new puppy. ;)
Yeah, you might as well tell us what you did. The thing is, you said young person... so I'm guessing Paige or Linz took the brunt of it. These two are really smart. I talk to them about things all the time like how I'm afraid or angry, and they're really good at listening (well, I did talk to them a lot, when they were here). Paige offers pretty good advice and Linz offers good hugs and advice too. I don't think it's wrong to be angry or afraid, but I do think it's wrong not to trust the people who are around you to CARE about what you're feeling. I know you trust them, but do you trust them to care and understand? That's the hard part. It's easier to think no one gets what's going on in your head or to think that someone your age is the best person to talk to. But really, kids have the best advice. They tell you to take it easy. Then you look at them and think about how impossible it is to take a difficult life "easy", but before you say it, you have to laugh. Because that's all you can do.
I bet you're lonely and missing your family (especially your cute baby sister), and I bet you're scared because you have no money coming in right now. So work at Rita's, bring in something instead of nothing, and at the end of your first day, buy some cans of Chef Boyardee and a bottle of Boone's Farm and 7-up, and have a "We're poor and loving it" kind of dinner. Make the girls a "spritzer" and you and Don can take the Boone's, and you can all sit on the floor and eat the worst dinner possible and laugh. Hell, light some candles.
But remember this: Paige once told Mom and me that she was glad you guys were moving because she thought you would be happy and life would be easier. She said she knew you worked hard and wanted to make money, and she thought life would magically be better once you got to Florida. She really believes it, and she believes it because you did. So you can be hurt and angry and afraid, but you have to keep on believing. The girls need it.
PS--Can't Paige work at Rita's too? What about you posting an ad on Craig's list that you are a tutor looking for work? A babysitter? Or damnit, just work at Rita's and have a twist in my honor.
I miss you all...and I'll stop going on and on now.
haha. i love shanell's idea about the worst possible dinner is fantastic. I love love love it.
I know how hard it is to know there is no money coming it. Do you think I sunk so low as to sell my Plasma because I wanted to? Things will get better. I promise. But you owe it to your children to keep your spirits high. They trusted you enough to believe that it was going to be a better life once you got there (shanell is right again), so you have to trust what you have been saying all along. Things will be better in Florida.
Besides, you can always turn on your webcam and have a candle lit dinner with me.....
Thank Goddess for family! I love you guys!
WTF? I just noticed Blair doesn't have a cute little picture next to her name like we do (especially mine tehehe).
Blair get ur ass in gear and make a blog!
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